Review: Landmine Spring

Landmine Spring
“Are We the Culprits?”

Seventy-five percent metal and twenty-five percent hardcore, Landmine Spring tears through “Are We the Culprits?” with all of the subtlety of a wet fart.  A really, really long wet fart.  I mean, who’s got the time to grind through five minutes of raw noise?  Not this gangsta.  And while you’re at it, could you tell your producer to turn the vocals up a bit?  Doesn’t anybody mix these things?  Who is the damn culprit anyway?  Lots of anger here, which, as we all know, leads to the dark side and also leads to me jabbing the skip button with frequent regularity.

I think I just need a little more pep in my metalcore, not just the same old crashing din of discordant madness, you know?  I think you do.  I don’t think you want the same old business of metal bands traipsing about the nu-metal boundary and thinking they can get away with it.  You know what I mean, yeah?  Maybe these guys are the UK’s best metal band, but that’s like being the top bullfighter in Alaska.  Go away.