Review: Samus

(Crucial Blast)

I have a trashcan not too far away from me.  I throw away so many CDs every month that I sort of feel bad for it.  It’s hungry but I just keep feeding it with these rubbish albums every month.  Up next on the menu for Mr. Rubbermaid is Samus’ Mr. Bungle sounding “Desengano”, an album full of varied styles, ranging from sludgy metal to electronica to hardcore to…rubber ducks.  That’s right, rubber ducks are on the album.  Does that make it experimental?  Probably.  Does that mean it’s worth listening to?  Probably not.  A few of the tracks clock it at an ungodly fourteen minutes; a few are shorter than sixty seconds.  Samus seems to be just into having fun doing whatever the hell they want to, as evidenced by their cover of Duke Ellington’s “Caravan”, a rambling tune that incorporates an orchestral sample, metal riffs, churning bass, lounge techno, and just about everything else, sans rubber ducks.  I know, I know, you’re sitting there asking yourself, “Oh, sounds cool so far, but what I really want to know is…can I dance to it?”  After a scientific experiment consisting of nothing whatsoever, I can definitively say that, no, you can’t dance to it, so the album is a total wash.  Except for the rubber ducks.  They’re the one.  They make bath time so much fun.  I’m awfully fond of you.  Them.  Whatever.