Review: Opeth

(KOCH Records)

Highly talented musicians comprise this band.  It’s evident in every note, passage and time change.  The music is moody and atmospheric and, ultimately death metal, when all is said and done.  Yeah, sure, it’s good, intricate, well arranged music.  Yeah, sure they’re talented guys, tight as Michael Jackson’s face (less his nose).  Yeah, sure, I am in concurrence with the countless other metal critics who have heaped their praises upon the wonderful and most-high Opeth.  Yeah, sure, whatever.  Give me a fucking break.  It’s just more death metal and it doesn’t really jump and jive or groove.  It’s a glossy, plastic conceit.  The emperor ain’t wearing any god damn clothes kids.  The royal scepter is dangling there right out in the open for all too see and even though it appears to be a pretty damn good scepter, I’m not quite willing to go and take it in hand if you know what I mean.

All the songs are insanely long except one.  Every fucking track is over ten minutes long except the sad little two-minute number.  That means this album is over an hour long.  Now I know some of you out there probably like that idea.  Cool!  A whole hour!  Now, there’s some bang for my buck!  Sure, maybe, but let me tell you something, I think band’s CDs start wearing out their welcome after a half hour.  That’s another reason why Slayer’s “Reign in Blood” is so fucking perfect.  It’s succinct, to the point, bang; it takes you there and back without any goddamn layovers in Dallas.  Opeth flies you there; you get there, but you’ll zig-zag all across the shit-ass globe to do it.