Review: Instrumental Quarter

Instrumental Quarter
“No More Secrets”
(Sickroom Records)

Scene: A handsome man is kissing the neck of a beautiful woman.  She is smiling with delight.  “Hold on my sweet, let me put on some mood music,” he says as he slyly pulls his arm out from behind her back.  He walks with a cocky swagger over to his CD player and puts in Enya.  “This always does the trick,”  he says to himself.  “What is this crap?” his lady friend asks.  “Whenever some guy wants to lift up my dress, he puts on Enya and I’m sick of it.  I swear I hear this CD every night.  I wish someone would be a little more creative.”

Enter Marco Allocco of Instrumental Quarter. “You silly, silly man,” says Marco. “You do not put on Enya when trying to seduce a beautiful and easy woman.  Here my friend, try this.”  Marco hands his new CD to the handsome gentleman.  The handsome gentleman puts the CD into his player and immediately a romantic swoon began to drip from the speakers.  “My music will hold you through your escapades.

There are crests and valleys to flow with your ebb and tide.  I have provided slow romantics with fast excitements.  Let the lethargic and energetic sounds carry you away.”  The woman was half undressed with a hunger in her eyes when Marco turned around.  “You made this music?” she asks, a spry smile fleeing across her lips.  “Yes.  Not only did I make this music, but I made it in Italy, the land of love,” Marco replied.  “Come here.  It is you I want.  And handsome gentleman, whatever your name is, you may watch, but because of Enya you will not get anything from me tonight.”  With that, Marco makes sweet love to the beautiful woman while his music makes sweet love to their ears.  The handsome gentleman used Marco’s CD the next night and has had great success with women ever since.  “Thank you Instrumental Quarter,” the handsome gentleman said after his next night of passion.  “Thank you for making instrumental music that makes me seem impressive.

Thank you for hitting the mark between Enya and Sigur Ros.  I finally have an album that isn’t sappy, yet isn’t so progressive that people make fun of me.  Thank you.” Marco vanished after his night of passion and is rumored to be spreading his joy with the rest of Instrumental Quarter to more sexually frustrated men who think Enya is the key to the right mood… Fin.