Review: December Wolves

December Wolves
“Blasterpiece Theatre”
(Earache Records)

It was my birthday on Mother’s Day.  All my friends kept asking me, “Well, what do you want me to get you?”  Usually, it’s pretty easy for me to reel off a list of a bunch of things I want but for some reason I kept freezing up and told my buddies, “Metal-just get me some metal.”   So I was given the new December Wolves CD and I hope they kept their receipt because this thing is going right back to wherever it was spawned.  “Blasterpiece Theatre” is really just a bunch of noise, seemingly starting and stopping at random times.  Are there people that actually like this?  First of all, I’ve got a hard time taking any band seriously that uses drum machines rather than the real deal and secondly, haven’t we progressed beyond songs about Satan, death, destruction, and depravity?  Yeah, that stuff’s cool, but after being beaten about the head and neck with it for forty-five minutes, it gets a little monotonous.  It’s been three years since December Wolves’ last album-let’s hope the trend continues and they release another stinker sometime late in 2005.  I’ll be 27 by then and hopefully will ask for a better gift.