Review: Flotsam and Jetsam

Flotsam and Jetsam
““My God””
(Metal Blade)

Yeah, I’m sure every dumb fuck out there is getting big fat jollies by doing exactly what I’m about to do… My God?  My God is right!  It’s exactly what I thought when I picked this album up, “My God, these guys are still putting albums out!”  They are, but that doesn’’t mean they should.  It’s silly, poorly executed and weak material.  It flops around like a dying fish on my half erect cock.  “What do I mean by that dead fish crack?” you ask.  Many things.  Either Flotsam and Jetsam is my cock and they’re choking their music to death with their refusal to stop the madness or Flotsam and Jetsam is the fish and they’re failing to arouse me with their worn out song-writing, or I just like making metaphors that somehow involve my cock like some mad egotistical cock crazy music critic.  F & J should have called it quits after “No Place for Disgrace” in 1988.  That was a pretty good album with a hard metal production by Bill Metoyer that hasn’’t been duplicated by the band ever since.  Bill, by the way, is the producer on “My God” too.  If you enjoy lackluster metal songs that don’t particularly do anything, go anywhere or tread new ground then buy this record you stupid fish fucking whore!