Reviw: Darkane

(Century Media Records)

I bet death metal singers give the best blow-jobs.  You could probably jam your cock deep into their throats, and they’d growl making their little uvulas rapidly vibrate back and forth right at the peak of your cock’s crown above the urethra.  That’d be some gnarly head, don’t you think? After the obligatory Black Metal introduction of a Carl Orff arrangement crashing head on into the oompah-oompahing of typical Danny Elfman songwriting, Darkane’s new album rips in strong.  This is a great album for metal heads.  At times Darkane satisfies old secret urges for classic Bay Area thrash, while plodding head long into newer metal sounds.  The band debuts a new vocalist on Insanity, Andreas Sydow (any relation to Max Von?), who is a great catch.  Mr. Sydow, in classic Burton C. Bell from Fear Factory style, rapes ears with his low Cookie Monster growls and counters it with smooth high melodic passages.  The music is relentless, technically complex and should make a strong mark for this band.  If they’d drop the crappy deathly artwork they could probably draw in more fans.  The music and cover art don’t necessarily reflect one another.  I know nobody ever said they had to, but this nasty saran wrap face with pointy teeth is just ridiculous.  I hate it for being so, but sometimes stupid decisions for a cover’s art can hurt a band.  This artwork will surely hurt.  Darkane is a Black Metal band with possible cross over appeal as soon as this NuMetal chokes to death on the last layer of Linkin Park-esque shit being smeared on post-haste by every dumbass record executive attempting to leach the last few pennies out of the bloated corpse of the goose that laid the gold album.  Trixter rules!