Review: Adagio

“Sanctus Ignis”

Two words and an initial: Yngwie J. Malmsteen.  This is that kind of metal.  The kind of metal that seems to think it’s too cool to hang out with the other metal.  It’s like the snotty cheerleader bitch of metal.  She’ll tease with speed, precision and guitar solos that just don’t quit, but then again, she never puts out.  You never walk away satisfied.  You feel like you’ve been on a treadmill being towed through an obstacle course by a madman.  The pretense is overwealming with song titles like the “Stringless Violin.”  Like, dude, what’s the sound of a violin with no strings?  If a big wanker played a guitar solo in the woods and nobody was there to hear it would it make a sound and get a good review?  The answer to that is obviously a big motherfucking resounding “NO!”