Review: Iron Savior

Iron Savior
“Condition Red”
(Noise)

Here it goes, I’m going to write this review all whilst having to take a very serious and imminent shit that I’m barely strong enough to hold back. Iron Savior opens their album with some little guitar squeals and rapid slides up the neck.  You know you’re in store for virtuoso high caliber metal now.  The band appears to be fronted by an anemic Vin Diesel in a leather jacket who sings like his testicles have been clutched (one each) in a particularly brutish lobster’s claws.  I find his caterwauling amusing but you won’t find me laughing out loud (LOL 🙂  At his most inspired he comes a few yards shy of tackling Rob Halford while at his worst he’s Udo Von Dirkschneider after a hit of helium.  The band’s guitarists also have an affinity to achieve Judas Priest levels of pizzazz as the influence of Glen Tipton and K.K. Downing are thickly slathered over every last damn lick, riff and chug-a-chug-a-chug-chug.  For lovers of heavy metal in a classic vain you could do a lot worse than Iron Savior but you could also do yourself a whole hell of a lot better and if you’re going to buy this lovely little musical fart then you’d better hurry because it contains two limited edition bonus tracks.  Why does it contain two limited edition bonus tracks?  Fuck if I know.  What makes those particular two songs so important that they should only be available for a special small amount of time?  I’ll never tell. Uh-oh. I no longer have to shit.  Where did all the shit go Once again, I’ll never tell.