Review: Eternal Gray

Eternal Gray
“Kindless”
(Raven Music)

What we have here is what your children call “death metal.”  As concerned parents you should know a little something about this “Death Metal” and what the practitioners of this form of music are preaching on a daily basis to your little boys and girls.  Little boys tend to be drawn towards death metal more than little girls, but girls have been known to buy the occasional death metal album and even, although more rarely, attend the death metal bands’ concerts.

Death Metal bands enjoy reveling in the darkest recesses of humanity.  They sing about war, destruction, misery, loneliness, depression, unflinching hate and as the name of the genre suggests, death.  In general it’s like a GOP convention without the politics.

Just kidding parents, but I couldn’t resist.  Of course war, death, destruction and misery mounted on misery are okay when it involves the U.S. government and citizens of foreign countries, but it is absolutely not okay when bands expose our tender young American children’s ears to such horrible “X-rated” content.  And Eternal Gray is no different from other death metal bands that choose to attack the moral foundations of our society.  The band draws on the terrible influences of old school thrashers Testament, classic death metal acts such as Morbid Angel, and even late era Carcass, all of whom have been discussed and consequently banned in our earlier lessons on “Bay Area Thrash and the Devil,” “Satan Went Down to Florida: The Failings Of Jeb Bush Against Moral Decay” and “Cannibalism in Music: The New British Imperialism.”

Our Christian Parents Musical Minister has rated “Kindless” by Eternal Gray as unfit for Christian Children’s ears; parents are strongly encouraged to lead their young ones away from this album and towards more suitable fare like the new album from God-fearing American Idol, Kelly.  God, how I love that gal.