Review: The Clarks

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The Clarks
“Another Happy Ending”
(Razor and Tie)

Midwest-ready, Bic-flicking, radio rock from a group flaunting twelve-string guitar wailing and a big, throaty Creed-like vocal presence. If you were retarded enough to purchase the soundtrack to the inane Freddie Prinze Jr. snoozefest, “Summer Catch,” your ears may already have been maligned by some of The Clarks aural sewage, but then again, you probably deserved it. This Pittsburgh collective will knock you down with their abject brazenness and utter lack of humanity. I mean, song titles like “Love Is What You Need,” and “All the Things I Wanted,” lyrics like “I cried myself to sleep at night,”- a twelve-string guitar? Who are you people? Are you really, seriously on tour with the Gin Blossoms? Is this some sort of mean-spirited joke being perpetrated by a Taliban-like musical insider group still miffed at the musical press for failing to realize the musical promise of The Spin Doctors? If you can stomach this tripe for more than a song or two, then you probably got lucky and your CD skipped to “On Saturday” and/or the horrifically-titled “Boys Lie,” two tracks with enough twang and smug sensibility to warrant a listen. The rest, however, left me thinking the only “Happy Ending” I’m ever going to experience again will be the one at my local massage parlor.